i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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