epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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