Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
