I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize