Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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