Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
