do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
