omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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