whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
