HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
