Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
