is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
