hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
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