shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
