your parents love me but you hate me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
