So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
please come you make the beer taste better
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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