Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize