Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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