you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
