I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
