she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize