i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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