I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
