We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
