I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
