I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
