Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
