Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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