im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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