Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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