1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
