ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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