I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
