Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
