Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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