Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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