i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
