my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
