he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
