I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
