that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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