I wannas sexs uuuuu
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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