Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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