I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
