is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm passing your future prison.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
