At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
