Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
wow bdsm is so cute
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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