Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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