And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
