so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
