Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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