i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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