i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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