U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
