when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
