Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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