Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
