So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
