Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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