Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
