So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
