She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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