To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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