just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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