i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
