dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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