if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
