I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone came in the potted fern
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
