Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
