and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
