Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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