I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Randomize
