you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize