I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
