Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
3 2 1 whiskey
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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