you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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