That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
