I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
