5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
