i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
