to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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