this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
