you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize