My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
only you would photoshop your dick
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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