Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All I want is dick and wine.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
