If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
