he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
