I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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