Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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