What did we do last night that was yellow?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize