I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
