Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
