I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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