his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
