He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
