Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
