omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
