He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
