peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
